Standard Disclaimer: All characters associated with Chicago Hope belong to David E. Kelly and associates. They are not mine. No infringements on their copyrights is intended.

Jack McNeil poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it as he made his way to the kitchen table. It had been a long tour, but a good one. The discovery of the medical condition of his youngest patient was a revelation and a relief for him and the father. He knew in his heart that the father wasn’t a child abuser, he had felt it as he watched them together. Aaron’s face ran across his mind and he shook the image away. Whatever he had wanted to transpire between them, had never come to pass. Now that Aaron was well on his way to a recovery and adjusting to not being a surgeon, there was no way he could interfere with that. He had his dates with Lisa, but they were unfulfilling, useless lust filled nights. Well..he thought smiling, not that unfulfilling, but certainly useless. Not what he wanted at this stage of the game.

What was it about Shutt that made his toes curl? The man irritated him most of the time, but on some days. Aaron was the only one he could turn to, talk to and be confident that he was listening. “Whining.” He said out loud then sipped his coffee. “Yuck.” He had grown accustomed to the bitter mixture of the hospital cafeteria. His own paled in comparison and he pushed the mug away. A shower, now that would make him feel better. He stripped off his hospital blues and headed into the bathroom. The hot steam poured from the door as he stepped out, dripping on the small rug in the floor. His slick hand traveled south and grazed the soft line of fur that pointed to his sex.

He pushed the thought aside and toweled off quickly. Lose sweats were tugged on and with a book in hand he plopped on his bed and took a deep breath. Some days he wondered why he went on, other days he knew exactly where his niche was in life and what he wanted. Today was a little of both; he was tired, tired inside as well as out. The single knock at the door made him jump and he headed to the door quickly. “Who is it?”

“It’s ahhh…me, Arron. Dr. Shutt.” He smiled to himself and pulled open the door. “Sorry, it’s late, I know but…”

“Come on in.”

“Wasn’t sure you’d let me in.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Aaron stepped toward him, into the room. “Do you bite?”

The strangest look crossed his face and Jack raised an eyebrow. “Not usually, unless of course you want me to.”

“No, not particularly, at least not tonight.”

“Oh, okay. Well I head about your patient and wanted to congratulate you.”

“Thanks,” He waved toward the couch and Aaron sat down. “It took some convincing, but at least they’re together. Child services weren’t real happy. They just knew they had another abuser on their hands. I was glad to prove them wrong for a change.”

“You’re a good doctor Jack,” Jack smiled his thanks.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Beer?”

“Sure. I wasn’t kidding.” Jack knew what he meant, but didn’t respond, as he turned to head back toward the small living room, Aaron was there, blocking his path. He trembled at the closeness. “You’re a good doctor, Jack. I know we’ve had our differences, but…”

“Past, all in the past.” Jack managed as he closed the distance between them, which wasn’t very much. A finger rubbed over a nipple and Jack couldn’t help but let a gasp escape his lips. Too much. “Aaron, what…” Jack doesn’t get to finish the sentence as his mouth is now covered with Aaron’s lips. The kiss is rough, uncoordinated and almost laughable. That is if it hadn’t been for the look on Aaron’s face when he pulled back.

“I’m sorry.” He was headed out the door.

“Aaron, wait.” Jack moved quickly, not wanting him to slip away again. “Please can you stay a bit, I’m a little down tonight and I would really love the company.”

“Even after that?” Aaron stood in the doorway, this new discovery frightening him as much as arousing him.

“Especially after that.” Jack licked his lips and steps closer. “I would really like it, if you’d stay.”

Aaron nodded and smiled. They stood awkwardly for a few moments before Jack broke the silence. “Well, how about that beer?”

“Sure.”

They drank beer and chatted for a while. The conversation was easy, work, ethics, and Aaron’s new position. They didn’t lack for things to discuss or argue about. But as it always seems to happen when things go good, Aaron noticed the time. “Oh shoot, it’s after 2, I should get going.”

“Okay,” Jack stood up and pulled Aaron to his feet. “Are you okay to drive?”

“Not sure, haven’t drank since…” Aaron pointed to his head.

“I understand, why not stay here tonight. You can have the couch or…”

Aaron stepped closer; his large hand grazing the side of Jack’s stubble covered cheek. “Or?”

“Or share with me.” Jack’s fingers closed over the smooth knuckles and squeezed. His eyes slid closed as Aaron’s lips found his, this time more certain, more accurate and more passionate that he was use to. He pulled back after a few moments and chuckled. “Share with me.”

“Yes.” Aaron’s hands gripped his shoulders and turned him around, he pulled the slighter man flush against his own body and buried his face in his neck. His lips found warm skin and he nipped and licked the trembling flesh beneath his tongue. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.”

“How long?”

“Since the first argument we ever had, that’s all.” He reached inside the lose sweat pants and caressed Jack’s genitals.

Jack gasped and pressed back against Aaron to keep his balance. “I…was always…too caught up in my own shit to notice…I guess.” One hand stoked his hardened length while the other fondled his tight ball sac. “Oh shit I want to feel you.” Jack spun himself around, dislodging the gentle hands. He ripped at Aaron’s shirt. In a series of hurried movements a belt was torn away, zipper jerked down and soon Jack was on his knees face to face with Aaron’s erection. He swallowed hard as the 8-inch cock bobbed in front of his lips. “OH God, this is like an addiction.” He thought he had said it to himself, but as Aaron gripped his shoulder and prevented his lips from touching him, he realized he’d said it out loud. “A good one.” Aaron reached down and pulled him to his feet, his lips hard and bruising, kissing him over and over again. Their cocks came in contact soon after and each man moaned. Aaron gripped him around the back and pushed his knees apart, then the floor came up suddenly and he was pressed to the floor as the larger man ground his body against his, forcing their cock together in a heated dance. He surrendered first, his orgasm hitting him in strong waves. He clawed at Aaron’s back as his screams were muffled by the other doctor’s mouth.

Aaron’s thrusts were stronger now as he sought his own release. The wonderful hardness was gone, replaced by a warm, slickness. He thrust into the moisture, trying to achieve his orgasm, but soon slowed and stopped. He slid his hand down between their bodies, still kissing Jack’s mouth, lips, cheek and neck as he did so. “Jack.” His fingers danced in the creamy goo on Jack’s stomach, then he slipped them down further, teasing and testing the path between Jack’s legs.

“What?”

“Can I make love to you?”

“Thought we were.” Jack was panting for breath, trying to regain his balance. A single slick finger slipped inside his ass and he jumped. “WHOA.”

“Come on Jack, I haven’t yet. Please.”

“What? Inside me? NO way.”

“Oh come on, you know I’m clean.”

“That might be, but I’ve never. Well…you know…not that.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Aaron stared at him for a long moment before he backed off. “So, what will you do?”

Jack smiled and pushed him back on the floor and began kissing his way down Aaron’s chest. He stopped at each nipple, kissing and teasing until Aaron was gently nudging him away. Aaron’s cock was oozing pre-cum, which mixed with his own semen, making the way slick and pungent. He inhaled the manly scent as he took the firm cock in his hand and began stroking it slowly. He darted his tongue out over and over again, flicking it across Aaron’s balls, making the other man hiss. “Oh yeah just like that. Tease me Jack, you do that so well.” Jack smiled and ran his tongue along the delicate head, swirling small circles just behind the slit. Aaron fingers played with the short graying hairs above his ears, he evidently got tired of the play because the next time Jack took the head between his lips, he plunged it deep into Jack’s mouth.

The doctor gagged for a moment, but soon grew accustomed to the fierce thrusts as Aaron plunged deep into his throat. It was long before his manipulations were rewarded. Aaron called out his name in a raspy whisper over and over again as he came.

Aaron caught his breath and tugged on Jack’s arm, the slighter man slid up beside him and smiled. He laid his palm against Jack’s cheek and urged his face forward, kissing him gently several times. “I never knew it could be like that.”

“Sure you did, you’ve had lovers before that gave you a blow-job right?”

“Not like that.”

Jack pushed himself from the floor. “I gotta have a shower.” He headed through the bedroom, not really wanting to believe what just happened and especially not wanting to analyze it. He turned on the water quickly and stepped beneath the spray. He just stood there, letting the water hit his shoulder and cascade down his back. The warm hand on his side made him jump and Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“May I?”

“If you must.”

“Well I’m a little sticky.” Jack shrugged and stepped aside, allowing him under the spray. “What’s wrong Jack? I thought all regrets were saved until the morning hours. After you’ve drank too much and blown all your money, you’re not even drunk.”

Jack turned and locked his gaze with Aaron’s. He swallowed hard, knowing that Aaron’s words were true. This wasn’t something he did sober or rational. He had been there with Aaron, his mouth on the other man’s cock, wanting it just as much as Aaron seem to. His whole body began to tremble and Aaron pulled him close.

“It’s okay.” The words of comfort were whispered at his ear and he relaxed a little. For Aaron to reducible him because of his choices in life was not unusual, but not this, this intimate act they had shared. That would be disastrous for his already damaged male ego. Aaron began soaping his body, seeming to ignore his tremulous state. He allowed the touch now, actually leaning into the gentle hands. Aaron didn’t miss a thing and by the time he rinsed Jack’s cock was hard as a rock again, as was Aaron’s. Aaron took his hand and he stepped from the shower into a towel. His friend, colleague and now lover toweled him off from head to toe, then lead him into the bedroom. He slipped beneath the covers and watched Aaron towel the water from his own body, then slip in beside him.

Aaron settled down beside the trembling man and pulled him close. Jack rested his head against Aaron’s chest and Aaron couldn’t help but feel good about that. The day had begun rough and gotten worse, but now in the arms of another man, he was warm, safe for the moment and content. Jack’s hand began to wander south and he took it in his and brought it to his lips. “Let’s just hold each other, would that be okay? Or would that be too weird for you?”

Jack pinched Aaron on the leg with his trapped arm and Aaron laughed. Gray eyes met warm brown and Jack moaned. “It’ll be different, granted,” Aaron smiled down at him. “But I think I can handle it”

“Good,” Aaron yawned for a long moment. “Cause I’m exhausted.” He lifted Jack’s chin and leaned down for a kiss, soft, gentle and undemanding. “Nite.”

“Nite.” Jack rested his head on Aaron chest again, listening as his friend drifted off to sleep. The slow steady breathing and the fixed rhythm of his heart lulled him into a sleepy state. The illusion made reality was almost complete, he’d almost succumbed to sleep when Aaron coughed and shifted his position, he rolled and Jack rolled too. Now a strong arm came down across his waist and pulled him back, his body flush shoulder to knee with the man behind him. It was certainly something he’d never done before; those casual pickups had been brief and never stayed longer than necessary. This was so different, so seemingly permanent that he felt himself begin to tremble again at the thought. Aaron’s breath was warm against his ear and he shuddered at the twinge of excitement that ran through him. A moan escaped his lips, try and he might to stifle it.

“Shhhh, I don’t bite.”

“Sure.” Aaron’s lips came in contact with his ear, then his neck; his shoulder and he could feel the other man’s arousal pressed against ass. “Don’t.”

“Hmmm, I’m not doing anything.”

Jack pulled away. “Right.”

“Jack, stop it. Don’t run from me, just lie down, get some sleep. Please.”

Jack settled on his back and tucked the blanket down around him. “Nite.”

Aaron smiled his crooked smile and settled back down a few inches from Jack and closed his eyes. Jack turned and watched as he fell asleep. His eyes clouded over with tears and he took a slow deep breath to try and suppress them, but it made his chest hurt. So many things had gone wrong in his life. This one thing, this one night, he wanted to make it right. But how? He reached out and ran a hand down Aaron’s arm. The sleepy brown eyes looked up and he was drawn into an embrace. The tears came as they needed to and helped soothe him in this new endeavor. Aaron held him close and kissed him until he clamed. Before he knew it he was asleep and the nightmares stayed away that night and let him indulge in his fantasy. But he knew that with a new dawn, brought new questions, new problems and new nightmares.

Jack awoke to the birds singing outside his window, in that instant he was the happiest he’d been in a very long time. His body was warm and safe, but he couldn’t quite remember why he felt that way. Then Aaron’s face crossed his mind and he jerked over. The bed beside him was empty and cold. He shook himself and sat up. His body was nude and he shivered as his feet hit the cold floor. A quick check of the house found no evidence that Aaron had been there. He sighed to himself and wondered how much he really had to drink last night. Had it all been a dream?

A few hours later, after his rounds he headed into the lounge to have some much-needed coffee.

Dennis Hancock made his way to the break room. He smiled as he saw Jack’s familiar face sunk over a cup of coffee, his normal stance when he was down. He clanked his cup against another, but Jack didn’t move. “Okay, I know it’s bad, but is it that bad?”

“Huh?” Jack looked up; seemly surprised that someone was there.

“What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing,” Jack sipped his coffee and tired to avoid eye contact. He and Dennis had become friends, but not so close that he would consider telling him exactly what was going on in his life. “Why do you say that?’

“Why? Only cause your face has enough frown lines to start a roadway and your mind seems to be totally gone. What’s up?”

Jack shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows while sipping his coffee again. “Actually,” He smiled now. “Nothing’s wrong, just thinking.”

“Oh no, not that?”

“Not what?” Hancock and McNeil both looked toward the door.

“Jack’s been thinking again.”

“Oh, really?” Jack’s smile to Aaron was warmer than he expected and when Hancock looked back at Jack, it melted away. “Not a good thing for someone like you Jack. I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Oh, haha. This from a guy that popped a vessel.”

“Jack,” Hancock gave Jack a dirty ‘knock that shit off’ look and Jack shrugged a little. “Cool it.”

“He deserved it, after that remark.” Hancock stood up and shook his head.

“I’ll leave you guys to battle it out. Later.”

They both waited until the door closed before looking at each other. The silence was a little nerve wracking and neither man made a move to break it. Under the table Aaron’s hand had found Jack’s wiggling knee and grasped it firmly, bringing it to a halt. “You want to talk about it?”

Jack’s entire body stiffened and he dislodged Aaron’s hand. “Nothing to talk about.”

“Right.” Lisa appeared and Aaron pulled back.

“Hi guys, what’s new?”

“Hmmmm,” Aaron shook his head, then winked at Jack. “I gotta go, later.”

“Yeah, later.” Jack relaxed a bit as Aaron left, but he couldn’t help but watch his ass as he went out the door.

“Jack?”

He looked up, startled. Lisa was close now; he could smell her perfume. “Is everything okay? I tried to call you last night, where were you?”

“I was here, most of the night, got home late.”

“Didn’t you get my message?”

Jack shook his head and finally met her eyes. “No, I don’t even think I checked them, sorry.”

“Well maybe tonight we can do something, huh?” Jack shrugged and she reached out to feel his head. He pulled back suddenly, knocking his chair over. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I gotta go. Later.”

Jack beat a hasty retreat back to his patients. A few minutes later he was knocking on Aaron's door. “Come.” He stepped inside and shut the door quickly, locking it behind him. “Problems?”

“Yeah, I need help.” Aaron stood up and approached him. Jack was glancing around, making sure all the windows were shaded or the blinds were pulled.

“What’s wrong?”

“Last night. Did you? Did we?” He grabbed Aaron by the shirt and pushed him back.

“What?” Aaron’s legs hit the desk and Jack’s body was pressed tight against him. “Last night was great, what’s with you? What’s wrong?” He brought his hands up and caressed Jack’s arms. “You’re trembling.”

“NO, I’m not.” Jack backed off and grabbed his head. The memories flooding over him suddenly.

“Jack, are you okay?”

“No, I’m not.” He spun quickly and pulled Aaron’s head close, locking his lips on the other man’s. Aaron yielded to his tongue, allowing the younger man to plunder his mouth.

Jack’s hands were everywhere, caressing and groping and when he pulled back Aaron could see the fear in Jack’s eyes. “Can I see you tonight?” Jack pulled totally back now.

“I don’t know.”

“Please.” He caressed Jack’s face, easing the other man’s head up until their eyes met. “I want to see you, I need…”

“Don’t. Don’t say that. Cause I don’t need it, I don’t need…this…” Jack was waving his hands now, trying to deflect Aaron’s affection. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I can’t.”

“Hey, stop this.” Aaron grabbed him and held him still. “I want to be with you…” Jack shoved him back and took off. “Great. Worded that right.” Aaron resumed his position behind the desk. His administrator/teacher came to see him; they chatted awhile about a case that he had been working on.

“You see don’t you, I couldn’t give up, if I had, his stubborn attitude would have been the end of him and me helping him.” Aaron didn’t look up; he just stared at the paper in front of him. “Are you listening.”

“Yeah, I am. What time is it?”

“It’s 7:30 I was gonna ask you if you wanted to get something to eat.”

“No, I can’t.” Aaron stood up and grabbed his jacket. “I’ve got plans.”

Aaron gunned his car across town, hoping to make it before everything closed.

Jack had just made it home when someone knocked on the door. He sighed and pulled it open. Lisa popped in with a sack in her hand. “Dinner anyone?” Jack moved out of the way and let her in.

“Listen, I just got home, all I want is a shower and bed.”

“Works for me.” She knew the look on Jack’s face, the undeceive 'little boy lost look' that he used when he wasn’t sure what he wanted or how to get it.

“Lisa, listen.”

“Oh look, you didn’t get your messages.” Before he could stop her, she punched the button. The machine spun to life, thankfully it was Lisa’s voice. “Jack, where are you? Well, guess you’re not home or not answering the phone. Call me if you get this before midnight.” (beep) She smiled and erased the message. The machine spun the tape and played the next message. “Jack,” Jack jumped when he heard Aaron’s voice. He tried to make it to the phone, “I’m coming over, like it or not. We need to talk about…” He hit the machine button quickly and it beeped again. “Who was that?”

“Nobody, listen, I’m really tired. Please just go.”

“Oh, I see. Seeing someone on the side huh?”

“Lisa, please.” Too late a knock on the door made his heart pound. His hands began to shake and his face flushed. She’ll know now, know his secret desires. The knock came again and he sighed as she walked to the door. “Lisa, no.” His entire life flashed before his eyes as she pulled the door open and Lisa said ‘hello’ to someone. He collapsed in the chair and hung his head. A whimpering at his feet made him look up. Two dark eyes watched him, warm breath blew in his face and a long tongue licked his face. “What the, hey,” He ran his fingers through the tan and black fur of the large dog in front of him. “Who are you, huh? You’re beautiful.” He hugged the dog, burying his face in the soft fur of its neck.

“His name is Shep.”

Jack looked up with tears in his eyes and kissed the muzzle of the large German Shepherd. “How original.” He wiped his nose on his hand and laughed a little. “You bought me a dog?”

“Well actually no, I adopted him a few weeks after my ‘problem’. He keeps me calm at night, I use to get really bad nightmares.”

“So what’s he doing here?”

“I thought I’d bring him to visit. We could share him. You know, some nights he could stay with you, then sometimes maybe you could visit him. He’d still keep his doggie house, but he could stay over. You know, nothing too permanent.”

“Oh, I see.” Jack smiled at Aaron; he knew the double meaning behind the other man’s words. Even if Lisa did stand dumbfounded by the two of them. “Lisa, look would you mind if I call you later? I’d like to talk to Aaron alone.”

“Sure, Jack, whatever you say.”

They both watched her pet Shep on the head and then leave. “If you need anything, give me a call.”

“I will, nite.”

“Nite.”

As the door shut Jack turned to Aaron. “I don’t know what to say. I acted like a jerk today. I’m sorry.”

“Accepted,” Aaron took his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each finger individually, then drawing jack into an embrace. “You really get my goat sometimes Jack.”

“Yeah, but it goes both ways.”

“That it does.”

“So, can Shep and I stay the night?” Jack laughed and rubbed his chin.

“Yeah, I guess, but you better let me know if you need to go out.”

Jack assembled the lunchmeat and cheese that Lisa had brought into sandwiches. “Good thing she stopped by, huh?”

“I guess, was she planning on staying?”

“I don’t know, would it have mattered?” Jack turned; Aaron was invading his personal space and almost received an elbow in the chest.

“It would have mattered, if you wanted her to stay, yes.” He stepped closer; trapping Jack to the counter, his lips precariously close to the other mans. “Did you want her to stay?”

Jack took a deep breath, the smell of sterile hospital blues, cologne and a hint of cigar smoke hit him hard and he whimpered. “Not fair.” Lips grazed his now; Aaron’s tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip, before his mouth was covered completely. He took over now, drawing the other man closer, his hands making quick work of the jacket and tie as Aaron’s hands stroked and caressed his body. He broke the kiss and pushed Aaron a step back. “Totally not fair.”

“What? You want me to call her back, I’m sure she didn’t get very far.” Aaron smiled at Jack’s serious head shaking. “Then what?”

“I need to take a shower.”

“Can I join you?” Jack shrugged.

“What about Shep?”

“He’s seen me naked, it doesn’t impress him anymore.”

Jack laughed and took Aaron’s hand, leading him into the bathroom. Jack undressed without a word and adjusted the shower’s temperature. He stepped inside quickly and let the water pour over his head. After a moment Aaron pulled him back and changed their positions. Aaron began soaping him again, just like he’d done the other night, but Jack pushed him back. “My turn.” He filled the sponge with the creamy liquid and began to work the lather into Aaron’s chest, working the soap down until he encountered Aaron’s cock. He neglected it for a moment, dropping to his knees and washing Aaron’s legs and feet. His hands felt the curve of his calves, knees and thighs. He turned Aaron and started back up, following the long tendons up his legs to the curve of his ass. Both hands spread the soap and caressed the mounds of muscle before he moved up to Aaron’s lower back. Using a technique he’d mastered in is many nights of massages; he spread his fingers and pushed up, running his thumbs up Aaron’s spine. By the time he reached the shoulder blades and shoulders, Aaron spun and grabbed him roughly. The soap swirled down the drain as the two men kissed and caressed.

Aaron pulled Jack close and lifted his left leg, crushing their genitals together. “I want you Jack, right now.”

“Bedroom.”

Jack barely hit the bed when Aaron began licking and sucking his cock. It pushed him toward the edge; the rough couplings of his nights came flooding back and for a moment he feared that he wouldn’t be able to stop, if Aaron really ‘wanted’ him. Wave after wave of sensation flooded over him and he moaned and groaned loudly. Aaron wasn’t being gentle either; no teasing on is part; just continuous pressure and constant stimulation. Jack gripped the bed covers and thrust deep into the moist recess. “Oh yeah, yeah.” His legs were spread his thighs caressed and stroked. He felt himself falling into the sensations when it happened. Something brushed over his anus. He balked a little but the finger didn’t follow so he relaxed, so close now, the waves were crashing closer to the shores and the finger returned.

Aaron knew he was pushing him luck, but he didn’t stop, once Jack’s buttocks relaxed again, he slid the finger over his opening. This time Jack mumbled something, but didn’t push him away. He took it as a good sign and rubbed the opening in continuous circles with his thumb all the while sucking the hard cock in his mouth. He mentally took inventory of everything he had seen in the bathroom, no lubricant of any kind. Great. Kitchen, nope nothing, not even food. His medical bag, shoot no didn’t have it. Where was Jack’s? And why would he have lubricant. He became a little distracted trying to figure it out and Jack started screaming as he came. Strong spurts filled his mouth, tangy and a bit bitter, but still nothing he would be revolted by. He suckled the cock until it softened in his mouth and Jack pushed his head away. “Aaron, come…here…please.” He crawled up and covered Jack’s body with his own. “That was…”

“Intense?”

“Yeah. Look I know what you want, but I can’t…”

“How do you know what I want?”

“I see it in your eyes. I feel it when you touch me, but I can’t.”

Jack looked a little panicked and Aaron took his face in his hands. “Don’t, shhhh, it’s okay. We don’t have to do that. I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you’re not ready for, okay.”

“Have you…you know?”

“Done it?”

Aaron’s face changed a little and Jack knew he said the wrong thing. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”

“Pry? You’re not prying, I think something we need to talk about anyway, should have talked about before we…you know.”

“Yeah, I know, but…”

Aaron got comfortable beside Jack and ran his fingers down his lean torso. “Jeffrey and I…”

“Geiger, really?”

“Just once, it was too much for either of us to handle. Working together and all.”

Jack turned on his side and scooted as close to Aaron as he could. “But you and I work together, how’s it different?”

“You and I, it’s different.” Aaron studied Jack for a moment, he knew the man was seeking something more in depth, something more substantial to hold on to then empty answers.

“How is it different Aaron? We work together, we fight, we argue, nothing in our history would lead me to believe that ‘this’ would happen. So why did it?”

“Something changed in me Jack, something I had no control over. Something like your gambling.” Jack started to pull away, but Aaron held him tight. “I see in you, someone that needs to be held, needs to be fought with,” he laughed. “Needs to know it’s okay to be loved.”

“So I’m your charity case is that it?”

“No, of course not, you’re a wonderful man, a little flawed, but still all in all, inside, you’re okay. And I’m attracted to you; I have been for a very long time. Is that a crime?”

“In some states, yeah.”

Aaron smiled and rolled over on top of Jack. “The tension between us, melts away, the more we’re together, don’t you feel that?” Jack nodded and lifted his head, kissing Aaron’s lips lightly. “I want to make your nightmares go away, or at least keep them at bay, can you let me do that for you?”

“I don’t know what you’re asking of me, Aaron.”

“Let me be here for you, let me please you, love you and make you feel good.” Jack nodded a little. “I want to make you smiled Jack, even if it’s just once a day. Then I’ve feel my job as your friend wasn’t a total loss.”

“You’re job?”

“So to speak. Don’t you think we have a responsibility to our friends to try and make them happy?”

“I suppose, I never thought about it that way.”

Aaron leaned down and kissed his mouth several times before rolling off. “Start thinking about it that way. Cause I’m gonna stick this out.”

“I don’t know what this, is can you tell me that?”

“It’s two friends in bed together, it’s a little risky and dangerous, which should be right up your alley.” Jack jabbed him in the ribs making him grunt. “This thing, totally opposes everything that you and I were raised to believe Jack, but I don’t give a damn. I want to be here, with you,” He ran his hand down Jack’s body, resting it on his lower back, then he drew him close until their bodies were flush. “Like this. The question is, will you let me?”

Jack caressed Aaron’s face, “I want to,” his eyes darted back and forth wanting to see both of Aaron’s eyes at the same time. “I really do, but…”

“No, no buts. Be original Jack, say yes.” Jack nodded and Aaron hugged him close. “Everything else will fall into place, you’ll see.”

**

Philip Waters was pouring himself a glass of Cutty Sark when the door to his office slung open and one very exasperated Dr. McNeil bounded inside. He locked it quickly and closed the distance. He took the glass from Philip. “Hey.” And downed it quick.

“Another, please.”

Philip refilled the glass and handed it back, then poured himself one and sat in front of his desk. “What’s wrong Jack?”

“Nothing,” He met Philip’s eyes and noted the raised eyebrow. “Everything.”

“I kinda figured that. I take it you want to talk.”

“How do you know Philip, how do you know you’re attracted to someone enough to make a commitment to them?”

“Has someone asked this of you?”

“Yes, no, kinda, but that’s another whole set of problems.”

“How so?” Philip pointed to the couch and Jack sat down.

“Well, this relationship is not good for me, not at all.”

“Really? Seems to me that, I’ve been getting reports from all over the place that you’ve been in an exceptional mood. Why do you feel it’s not good for you?”

“That’s just it, it’s breaking down my concentration and attitude, I’m losing my reputation here.”

Philip laughed long and loud. “You’re in love.”

“NO! That’s not it, but it’s something, something that will keep me safe and vulnerable at the same time. I’m not explaining this very well, am I?”

“No,” Philip refilled his glass and offered to Jack. After the liquor was gone a second time Jack held out his glass. “Why don’t you start from the beginning. Who is she?”

It was Jack’s turn to laugh. “I can’t say who it is Philip.”

“Someone on the staff.”

“I really can’t say.”

“Look, I know the last two years have been hard on you and it seems that whomever you’ve found has really made a difference. Just go with it Jack, let it happen.”

“They found me.”

“Oh, is that it? Wasn’t your choice, you didn’t get to stalk or mull over excuses to be around someone, didn’t get to make a total fool of yourself before you told her how you felt.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

Okay, let me ask you this, what if this person wanted me to do something in bed, that I wasn’t ready for.”

“Jack, don’t tell me you’ve not been intimate with this woman.”

“No we’ve done some things, but…”

“You’re impotent.”

“Geez Philip, no, it’s just.”

“Just what?” Philip was growing more concerned by the minute, now Jack pulled a chair close to his and sat down. He looked him straight in the eye and took a deep breath. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know how to…” Jack fumbled with the words, ending up making some obscene gestures with his hand that really made Philip sit a few inches back. “I’ve never done it with…you know…doing it that way.”

“What way Jack?”

“You know doggie, or whatever it’s called.”

Philip tried to keep a straight face, but the giggles started creeping up until they exploded forth. He laughed so hard that his face began turning red. It was all he could do to keep Jack there; he was headed for the door. “Wait, wait. I’m sorry, but as old as you are, you’ve never done it doggy style before? Seriously?”

“No, I’ve never done it that way and I’m not sure how to go about getting ready. I came to you for help Philip. I really…” He shook his head and headed for the door.

Philip grabbed him and pulled him back, then locked the door. “It’s simple Jack, just get behind her and put it in from behind, nothing to it.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You’ll be fine.”

“And what if I told you that it’s me that’s gonna be on that bed, sprawled out while someone fucks me, is that funny too?”

“What?” Philip pulled back now, his eyes wide.

“I needed your help Philip, not your ridicule.”

“Wait a minute. Are you talking about having a homosexual experience here?” Jack nodded and Philip covered his face. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“Fine, can I go now?”

“No, no, we need to talk about this.”

“Look Philip, I’ve read books, I know the basics, I’m just scared.”

“Of course you are.” Philip pulled him down on the couch beside him. “Jack, are you a virgin, that way?” Jack nodded.

“Why?”

“Have you stopped to consider the fact of what this might do to you psychologically speaking?”

“No, but what does that have to do with anything? It’s just sex.”

“Really, then why haven’t you done it yet?”

“I don’t know how.” Jack stood up and walked around the room.

“Any gay magazine or book would help you Jack, but I don’t think that’s why you came to me, is it?”

“I guess so, I just wanted.”

“Wanted what, for me to say it was okay? Is that what you need?” Jack shrugged and Philip closed the space between them. “Listen, this man, do you trust him?”

“Yes.”

“Totally?”

“Yes.”

“Then ask him to take it slow, working on,” Philip cleared his throat. “The basics a couple of times before you decide anything else. This will be a big step for you Jack, some men can’t handle being topped.”

“How will I know?”

“What? If you can handle it. I guess if you enjoy it and don’t feel like shit afterwards.”

“He wouldn’t let me, this man,” He fumbled with his hands a bit. “He really cares about me.” Philip gripped his shoulder and squeezed.

“What about you, you must really feel something strong to even consider letting him do something like this.”

“He won’t be just doing it to me, we’ll be making love Philip.” Jack’s hands were shaking, but he tried to push down the feelings.

“How long have you two…”

“About six weeks now.”

“Guess the rumors of your good mood are true.”

Jack smiled and nodded. “Yeah, he has a affect on me, but…”

“But?”

“I get to a good part in a relationship and I screw it up, I always screw it up.”

“Is that what’s really bothering you?” Jack nodded. “Come here.” Philip embraced him for along moment before letting him go. “You deserve to be happy Jack. Maybe this man, who ever he is, will be the one that makes you believe that.”

“Thank Philip.” Jack pulled away. “I better go, he’s expecting me.”

“Jack,” Jack turned back to his oldest friend. “Not all the way the first time, okay. Trust me.”

“Okay.” Jack pulled the door closed behind him. “First time, oh man.”

***

His hands shook as he lit the candles. He’d assembled everything. Blankets on the floor for a picnic in front of the fireplace. Pillows for lounging on. Chilled champagne, to help with his nerves, crackers, cheese and thin slices of meat. Enough of the energy food. Then his special package: gloves, tube of lubricant, a large towel and two small ones. He was ready. He’d read the books and cleaned his body, not many things feel that uncomfortable, but it was for Aaron.

7pm, the witching hour.

He lit a special stick of incense, sensual and inhaled deeply. He checked the mirror one last time and adjusted the belt of his dark blue, silk robe. He wasn’t pleased with his appearance; the tiny lines around his eyes made him look older than he was. A dog barked outside the back door and he jumped. He pulled back the curtain and watched Aaron put Shep in the back yard, filling his food dish to the brim before he headed for the door. Jack opened the door and stepped back.

“Hey you. You look a little under dressed for dinner, I thought we had plans.”

“We do, but not for going out.” He slid Aaron’s jacket down his arms and took it off. “Come on.”

Aaron loosened his tie as he headed into the living room. “You’re trying to light the place up or start a forest fire Jack?”

“You’re such a romantic Aaron.” Jack sighed, his resolve was waning a bit, but he was persistent. Their love life had fallen into a stale routine, which included frottage, mutual masturbation and sometimes doing a sixty-nine. He knew Aaron wanted more and tonight, if he could keep calm and relaxed, he’d give him just that.

“Sorry, just a long day.”

“How about you take a shower and I’ll have dinner ready when you get out.” He kissed Aaron on the lips several times then pushed him toward the bedroom door. “Hurry up.”

Jack finished everything quickly and popped the champagne bottle just as Aaron came out of the bedroom. He smiled as he watched Aaron running his hands up and down the robe he had bought for him. “When did you do this?”

“Yesterday at lunch.” Jack poured them both a glass of champagne and handed it to Aaron. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, love the feel. Thank you.” He kissed Jack and was moving in for a longer kiss, but Jack pushed him back.

“A toast.” Jack raised his glass and watched Aaron’s face closely. “To us and eight weeks of mutual friendship.” Aaron nodded his agreement and clanked his glass, but as he started to drink… “And to,” Aaron stopped. “To new beginnings and changes and trust.”

Aaron’s heart skipped a beat; he couldn’t possibly mean what he thought he meant, no way. Numerous discussions had always ended with Jack saying no; he just couldn’t do that. “Trust and friendship.” Jack smiled and turned up his glass, as did Aaron.

“Sit, I’ve got a little picnic thing going on here, are you hungry?”

“Starved.”

They munched and chatted and drank champagne until the light outside faded and the only light was that of the candles surrounding the room. Aaron sighed; Jack’s face in the candle light looked warm and loving, not hard and cold as it usually did. He scooted closer to his lover and ran his fingers down his cheek. “Did I ever tell you how handsome I think you are?”

Jack laughed. “Uhhh, no Aaron you have never said anything like that. Must be the champagne.”

“Nope, I’m just a bit tipsy on the atmosphere in here. Nice job.” He captured Jack’s lips before the man could comment further. He fingered the tie on Jack’s waist and untied it slowly, sliding the slick material over his thighs. “Jack?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you really mean what you said earlier?”

Jack nodded and surrendered to Aaron’s mouth once again. He was hoisted up to straddle Aaron’s thighs, their cocks pressed against each other at this angle and made it very easy to achieve orgasm, but this time Aaron’s fingers gripped his ass cheeks and pulled them apart, dipping his fingers close to his opening. “Oh Aaron, wait.”

“Wait?” Jack got up and retrieved his pack from the floor.

“Here,” Jack pressed a bottle into his hand. “Use this and lots okay.”

“You’re serious about this, we’re going to actually have anal sex.”

“Don’t put it like that, please.”

“How do you want me to put it?”

“Inside me.” Jack smiled and Aaron pushed him to the floor and covered him. “Oh yeah, get rough Aaron, come on.”

“Right, you’re serious, no backing out this time.”

“Would you stop if I needed you to?”

Aaron stroked his temples with his thumbs, “Silly question, you know I would.”

“Then yeah, I want to try.”

“Okay.” Aaron sat up and helped Jack up. “We need to talk about some things, like condoms, lubes, which you have and some other less, pleasant things, like being clean.”

“I am, did it this afternoon, right before you got home. It wasn’t fun Aaron.”

“I know, it won’t be all the time, just this time, okay.”

“Okay, I can live with that.”

Aaron studied the bottle that Jack had given him. “Cinnamon huh?”

“Well I thought it could double as a frontal thing too, you know.”

“It’s okay, would have loved to have been a fly on that wall when you bought it.”

“Kiss me Aaron, let me know this is okay.” Aaron drew him close and embraced him, holding him close for a long moment before letting him slide back on his heels. Then the kisses came and Jack knew he’d made the right decision.

“It’s not time for you to self destruct, is it?”

“Bought due, yeah, why?”

“Cause I want to be here when it happens. I want to catch you.” He lowered Jack onto the cushions and pillows there were stacked in the floor. “I promise you, I won’t hurt you Jack.”

“I hear ya big guy, but…” He gasped as a slick fingers slid inside him. “Oh man.” Once he relaxed and let the finger work on stretching him, it felt a lot better. The second went in easy to a point then he felt himself open more to the pressure. “Ohhhh, Aaron.”

“Listen, I want you to turn over and get on your knees, okay.”

Jack did as he was told and Aaron propped several pillows under his hips. ‘Okay?”

“Yeah, I guess, just feel like you’re fixing to operate on my ass or something.”

“Well,” The fingers returned and Jack held his breath. “This is the end where you brain is, but I’m not a neurologist anymore, remember?”

“OH haha Aaron.” His was a little thankful for the humor; the new sensation of having his body’s opening stretched was very odd. A rush of enjoyment hit him as Aaron reached deep and brushed over his prostate. “Ohhhh, right there.”

“Well I hope to hit that a few more times.” Aaron wiped his hands and slipped a condom in place. “Are you ready for me Jack?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron leaned up and kissed his back and neck, while rubbing his cock head over the stretched opening. “Yeah, I think so.”

Aaron pumped more lube onto his sheathed cock and tested the opening again. “I’m going to enter you now.”

“So romantic Aaron,” But as soon as he said that, he felt the helmet head of Aaron’s cock pressing against his anus.

“Relax Jack.”

“I am…I’m trying.” The pressure remained and he took several deep breaths and relaxed. The head pressed inside, stretching his sphincter. The pain shot through his ass and by the time it reached his brain, there was already a number assigned to it. The head pressed further in, and then Aaron rested just inside his rectum. “Oh God Aaron, it hurts.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Relax and give it a minute or two, your body will adjust.” He rubbed Jack’s sides and back, trying to soothe and calm his lover, but nothing seemed to help. The tight channel kept clamping tightly around his cock.

“I don’t know.” Aaron pushed forward more stretching his internal muscles. He clamped down on the pillows beneath him and shoved his face in a pillow to prevent screaming. “Ahhhh, please.” Aaron retracted this time almost all the way out then slid back inside, this time to the hilt. “Aaron, on man, it burns.”

“I know, but it’ll pass.” Aaron twisted his hips a little, rubbing his cock back and forth inside Jack’s ass. “How’s that?”

“I don’t know. It still hurts.”

Aaron wrapped his arms around him and held still, letting him adjust to the new sensation. “I’m too old to be a virgin, Aaron. This is ridiculous.” The words were said in a raspy, hoarse voice and Aaron knew he was crying.

“You want me to stop? Cause I will.”

“No, it’s getting better, just give me some time here.”

“No problem.” He turned Jack’s face and made him kiss him. “All the time you need.”

After a few moments of silence Aaron reached beneath Jack and began stroking his soft cock. It wasn’t long before it responded to the stimuli and jumped back to life. As it did Jack began pushing his ass back against Aaron then into the tight fist. The sensation was odd at first, having someone dominate him, take him, but now that the same man was masturbating his cock, everything seemed right again and he began to move in earnest now.

Aaron felt the change in Jack’s body and slowly began pumping out and in with a smooth unhurried rhythm. “That’s the way baby, feels good doesn’t it?”

Jack was panting and using every muscle in his body to connect to the sensations that ruled his body. The tight fist made him buck and whimper and the cock in his ass made him grunt and groan. He couldn’t keep silent, so he started a low moan that got louder with each thrust and by the time he was almost screaming to cum, Aaron helped him up and plunged deeper inside his body. The lights flashed behind his eyes and the he could feel the veins in Aaron’s cock as they massaged his ass lips. He reached down and grabbed Aaron’s ass, pulling him as far into him as possible and came. The long streams of cum shot upward and splashed his chest and Aaron’s hand. Just as he finished, just as the last glob dribbled from his softening cock, Aaron picked up his pace and slammed hard into him, biting him on the shoulder as he did. He screamed from the pain, but the feeling of Aaron’s cock, throbbing inside him made him quiet down. Nothing he’d ever experienced would compare to this moment he knew that now. Nothing would ever come close to this first time.

They rested together in a sated embrace. Aaron had laid him back down and followed him, never losing contact with his body. The candles were burning low when Jack looked around the room. “I think we’re losing the light. Aaron shifted and his soft cock slid free of Jack’s body. He gasped at the strange sensation; his body’s opening stretched and sore.

Aaron quickly went into the bathroom and disposed of the used condom. Then he returned and stretched out beside Jack, bringing him into a warm embrace. “That was…incredible. Thank you.”

“Ahhh, shucks Aaron.” Jack smiled; trying to play off the emotions that ran through is mind.

“Did you enjoy it?” He watched Jack’s face; he seemed to be mulling it over in his mind. “At all? Any of it?” Jack was twisting his mouth around like he was deciding and Aaron sighed. ‘Well…”

“I’m just teasing you, it was good. I can’t say it’s what I want to do every nite, but I could learn to like it. I guess.”

“That bad huh?”

“No, not really. But it hurt Aaron. I’m too old for sex to hurt or be a chore.”

“It’s just different, it’ll get easier, once you learn how to relax.”

“So I get this ‘role’ now, is that it?”

“Only if you want it.”

“What about you, do I get to do you?”

“Sure, I would have let you before now, but you never asked.”

“Really, you’d let me?”

“Yes Jack, I would, I will. If that’s what you want.”

“Maybe…let’s just get some sleep, okay?”

“Sure, tomorrow’s Saturday, do you have early rounds?”

“No, nothing the weekend unless I’m called in.”

“Would you like me to go home tonight, let you get some sleep?”

Jack stiffened in his arms and pulled away. “You want to go, go.”

“I didn’t say that. I asked if you wanted me to leave?”

“No, I don’t. Did this change our arrangement or something, cause I’d like to know.”

“Only changes the fact that I’d like to do it again, but I get the feeling that you don’t. So I won’t pressure you…”

“You didn’t. I wanted to, I really did. Just give me a little time to decide if I liked it or not, okay?”

“Fair enough. Ready?”

“For what?”

“To go to sleep, we’re not sleeping on this hard floor, forget it.”

Jack allowed Aaron to hoist him up and they walked into the bedroom together. Jack stopped at the bathroom door. “I guess I should clean up.”

“Let me know if,” Aaron looked the floor then back to Jack. “If you’re okay, down there. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I could have.”

“I’m fine Aaron, but if you hear me scream, come get me.”

“Okay.” Aaron smiled and watched the lean ass of his lover disappear in to the bathroom. As the door clicked closed he smiled. Finally it had happened, they had linked in a way few men did, well more now than before, but it wasn’t your usual connection. He had shared Jack’s body in a way so intimate that the thought of it made his cock stir again. “Okay.” He pushed the bedroom door open and headed for the bed, pulling the comforter down. He slid beneath and stretched out, the bed always smelled of Jack’s cologne or stale beer. Tonight he was thankful for clean sheets and let out a low moan. His eyelids grew heavy and soon he was sleeping peacefully.

Jack checked his body for injury or blood and was thankful he found neither. He flushed and headed to the bedroom. Aaron was sleeping, so he headed to the kitchen, grabbing his robe as he did. He sat down on the back steps, very aware of the cold, hard stone on his sore ass, Shep came up and sniffed him and wagged his tail. “Smell your daddy on me, huh boy?” The dog yipped and snuggled under his arm. “Yeah, so do I and I can feel him too.” He stroked the dog’s thick coat and took a deep breath. “This could be okay you know.” The dog thumped his tail on the porch and Jack leaned over to receive the wet kisses. All was right in his world for the first time, in a long time.

!the end!